AND HERE WE SEE THE UNTAMEABLE AMY POEHLER-BEAR IN HER NATURAL HABITAT.

• BACK DA FUQ UP
• U KNOW WHO DIS IS?
• HANS FUCKING LANDA
• HE AIN’T NO NAZI
• OKAY?!
• HE’S A JEW HUNTER
• IF YOU’RE A JEW HE’LL FIND YOU
• IF YOU’RE HARBORING A JEW HE’LL FIND YOU
• IF YOU HAVE 3 HOT DAUGHTERS HE’LL FIND YOU
• HE ENJOYS MILK
• AND STRUDELS
• BUT YOU HAVE TO REMIND THIS FUCKER
• HE MIGHT FORGET THE CREAM
• HANS IS ONE GREEDY FUCKER
• CAN’T TRUST HIM
• BUT YOU CAN STARE IN AWE AT HIS LANGUAGE SKILLS
• THIS FUCKER SPEAKS FRENCH, ENGLISH, ITALIAN, AND GERMAN
• OH MEIN GOTT
• AU REVOIR, SHOSANNA

• WELL
• OBVIOUSLY
• WE HAVE A NAZI
• IN THE BASEMENT TAVERN
• HE’S DRINKING IN THE CORNER
• OUT OF A BOOT-SHAPED GLASS
• TRYNA BUTT INTO YOUR CONVERSATIONS
• SO YOU NEED TO HIDE YA JEWS
• HIDE YA ACCENT
• HIDE YA JEWS
• HIDE YA ACCENT
• AND PUT UP THE RIGHT FINGERS
• CAUSE HE’S KILLIN ERRBODY OUT THERE
• THIS MUTHAFUCKA WAS CREEPIN ON SHOSANNA
• HE TOLD HER TO GET HER ASS IN THE CAR
• DIDN’T EVEN SAY PLZ
• THEN HE CALLED BRIDGET A SLUT
• SOOOO
• HE DESERVED TO DIE
• DULY NOTED

• LOOK AT THESE FUCKERS
• PFC. OMAR ULMER
• AND THE BEAR JEW
• OMAR
• HE DOESN’T FUCKING SPEAK ITALIAN
• HE’LL JUST KEEP HIS FUCKING MOUTH SHUT
• HE’S PRACTICING RN
• AS FOR THE BEAR JEW
• HE’LL BASH YOUR BRAINS IN WITH HIS BASEBALL BAT
• (EVEN THO YOU WISH HE’D BEAT THE INSIDE OF YOUR WALLS)
• THEIR ITALIAN IS FOR SHIT
• BUT THEY SURE LOOK LIKE GQMF’S IN THEIR SUITS
• “MAR-GA-REETTTIII!”

• SHIT SON
• LOOK AT THIS PIECE OF ENGLISH ASS
• MHHHHMMMMM
• LIEUTENANT ARCHIE HICOX
• THIS MUTHAFUCKA IS “CULTURED”
• REVIEWING FILMS AND SHIT
• WRITING BOOKS AND SHIT
• SPEAKING GERMAN AND SHIT
• IF YOU GAVE HIM SCOTCH AND PLAIN WATER
• HE COULD DRINK SCOTCH AND PLAIN WATER
• AIN’T NO THANG BUT A CHICKEN WANG  WING
• HE WOULD’VE MADE IT TO THE PREMIERE
• BUT THAT HELLSTROM BITCH CAUGHT HIM
• MUTHAFUCKA HELD UP THE WRONG THREE FINGERS
• AND THEN GOT FUCKED
• IT SEEMED HE HAD A THING FOR BRIDGET
• SO WHEN ERRYONE WAS DYING
• YOU KNOW HE WAS THINKING
• “TO DIE BY YOUR SIDE IS SUCH A HEAVENLY WAY TO DIE”
• BUT BRIDGET DIDN’T DIE THEN
• LOLOLOLOLOL
• HE’S HOT

• THIS IS PERRIER LAPADITE
• HIS MILK BRINGS ALL THE NAZI’S TO THE FARM
• AND THEY’RE LIKE
• IT’S BETTER THAN YOURS
• DAMN RIGHT
• IT’S BETTER THAN YOURS
• HE COULD TEACH YOU
• BUT HE’S CHOPPING SOME WOOD*~*~*~

• HALLOOOOOOO
• WASSUP LADIES?
• LOOK AT YOUR MAN
• NOW BACK TO HUGO
• NOW BACK TO YOUR MAN
• SADLY HE ISN’T THIS CRAZY GERMAN BASTARD
• YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID?
• KILLED 13 GESTAPPO OFFICERS
• THAT’S RIGHT
• NOT 12 OR 11
• MUTHAFUCKING 13
• THOSE NAZI BITCHES TRIED TO MAKE AN EXAMPLE OF HIM
• HE WAS JUST CHILLIN IN HIS CELL SMOKING~
• THEN THE BASTARDS CAME
• HUGO WAS LIKE THE POPULAR KID EVERYONE WANTS TO EAT WITH
• AND BY THAT I MEAN
• POPULAR KID=CRAZY FUCKER WHO CAN KILL NAZI’S LIKE CRAZY
• EVERYONE WANTS TO EAT WITH=WATCH KILL THOSE FUCKERS
• SAY AUF WIEDERSEHEN TO YOUR OVARIES
• BECAUSE THIS FUCKER IS SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL
• BLINDIN’ YO EYES
• DOESN’T HE LOOK CALM TO YOU?
• UNF

• ATTENDEZ LA CREME
• YOU KNOW THIS BITCH?
• WELL
• IF YOU’RE A PATRON OF HER CINEMA
• SHE MAY BE EMMANUELLE MIMEUX TO YOU
• BUT 4REALS THO
• SHE’S SHOSANNA DREYFUS
• ONE JEW-TIFUL HBIC
• HER FAMILY WAS SLAUGHTERED BY HANS LANDA
• DAT BITCH
• BUT SHE WENT ALL GLORIA GAYNOR ON THAT JEW HUNTER
• AND SAID “I WILL SURVIVE!”
• AND SHE RAN LIKE MUTHAFUCKIN FORREST GUMP TO….
• WAIT
• WHERE THE FUCK DID SHE RUN TO?
• SHIT
• LET US KNOW TARANTINO!
• ANYWAYS
• SHE OWNED A LEGIT CINEMA
• ERRYONE DIDN’T KNOW SHE WAS A JEW
• SHE CHARMED A DELICIOUS, CHOCOLATE THUNDER WORKER NAMED MARCEL
• MHMMMMMMMM
• BUT THEN SHE WAS BEING STALKED BY THIS WAR HERO BITCH
• FREDRICK ZOLLER
• YEAH
• HE WAS GOING SWEENEY TODD ON THIS BITCH
• ALL LIKE “I FEEL YOU, SHOSAANNNAAA!”
• AND SHE WAS LIKE
• MUTHAFUCKA PLEASE
• I’M TRYING TO BE ALL HIPSTER IN THIS CAFE
• WITH MY CIGARETTE
• READING THIS BOOK
• BUT THEN FREDRICK GETS HIS MOVIE PREMIERE TO BE MOVED TO SHOSANNA’S THEATER
• AND SHE’S ALL FUUUUUU
• BUT THEN SHE FLIPS THE SCRIPT
• AND PLANS TO BURN DOWN THE THEATER
• WHICH SHE DOES
• BUT SHE WASN’T ABLE TO SEE IT GO DOWN
• BECAUSE THAT FREDRICK BITCH WAS BEING A PEST
• WANTING TO GET IN HER PANTS
• AND SHE’S LIKE “EW. NO. I’VE GOT USHER. WHY DO I WANT JUSTIN BIEBER?”
• AND SHE HAD TO SHOOT THAT BASTARD
• THEN SHE KNELT DOWN, ALL ROMANTIC AND SHIT BECAUSE SHE FELT BAD
• AND THEN THAT FUCKER SHOT HER
• THEN SHE DIED
• BUT SHE LOOK FAB
• IN HER RED DRESS
• FUCK YEAH
• DID I MENTION SHE TOTALLY KILLED HITLER?
• AND ALL HIS LITTLE NAZI BITCHES?
• SHE TOTALLY DID

• SEE THIS SMUG MOTHERFUCKER?
• THAT’S LIEUTENANT ALDO RAINE
• LIEUTENANT OF THE BASTARDS
• EVER HEARD OF EM?
• HE CARRIES AROUND A KNIFE
• TO CARVE SWASTIKAS INTO NAZI BITCHES
• HE SURE DIDN’T COME DOWN FROM THE GOD DAMN SMOKY MOUNTAINS
• CROSS 5 THOUSAND MILES OF WATER
• FIGHT HIS WAY THROUGH HALF OF SICILY
• AND JUMP OUT OF A FUCKING AERO-PLANE JUST TO TEACH NAZI’S LESSONS IN HUMANITY
• NAZI’S AIN’T GOT NO HUMANITY
• AND ALDO WILL NOT PUT UP WITH YO BULLSHIT
• HE AIN’T NO STONEWALL JACKSON
• BUT HE KNOWS NOT TO FIGHT IN A FUCKING BASEMENT
• DID I MENTION HE SPEAKS ITALIAN?
• FUCK YEAH
• ENZO GORLOMI ALL UP IN THE MOTHERFUCKING THEATER
• GRAZIE

• HELLO MY LOVELIES
• THIS IS BRIDGET
• VON
• HAMMERSMARK
• THE HEAD OF THE GERMAN FILM INDUSTRY
• THE HEAD OF AWESOME HEAD-WEAR
• THOSE FUCKING NAZI’S DIDN’T EVEN SEE THIS BITCH COMING
• SHE’S ALL “IMMA ENTERTAIN YOU FUCKERS WITH MY MOVIES”
• BUT SRSLY SHE’S ALL “IMMA JOIN FORCES WITH THE ENGLISH CAUSE THEY’RE SUPER FUCKING HOT(see Lt. Archie Hicox for example)
• EVER HEARD OF OPERATION KINO?
• THAT’S DIS BITCH’S BRAIN CHILD
• FUCK YEAH
• SHE EVEN GOT SHOT
• LIKE TUPAC
• AND BIGGIE
• BUT SHE SURVIVED
• SHE LIKES DRINKING, SMOKING, AND ORDERING IN RESTAURANTS
• DON’T EVEN GET IT TWISTED
• SHE’LL GET YOU INTO THE MOVIE PREMIERE
• BUT
• EVEN THO SHE DIED
• IT’S COO
• CAUSE SHE LOOK FABULOUS IN HER GLITTERY DRESS
• WHAT WHAT*~*~*~**~~~~~~~~